We’re all supposed to have this perfect self-care routine, right? A quiet yoga practice, journaling under candlelight, sipping herbal tea like we’re starring in some Instagram ad. But let’s be real—life is messy. The dishes pile up, we have a million deadlines, and finding time to do something for you can feel like a far-off dream. But self-care isn’t about making things perfect—it’s about finding little moments of sanity in the chaos.

So, let’s talk about real self-care, the kind you can do when your life is upside down.

1. Five-Minute Escape Plan

Who said self-care has to be an hour-long meditation session? Sometimes, you’ve got 5 minutes. When the world’s spinning, take a few deep breaths—seriously, right now—deep inhale, slow exhale. Center yourself in the middle of the mess. I like to call it my “mini-reset.” It’s a quick way to remind yourself that even though things feel chaotic, you can still find peace in a single breath.

2. Say ‘No’—A Full Sentence

We live in a world that loves to glorify the hustle. But let’s be clear: You don’t have to say yes to everything. In fact, some of the best self-care moments come from saying a solid, guilt-free NO. Boundaries are sexy, okay? Your time is precious, and it’s not selfish to protect it. Think of ‘no’ as an act of rebellion against overcommitment. Bonus: It’s free.

3. The Messy Bath

Ah, the bubble bath. The go-to self-care ritual that everyone pushes. But here’s a secret—sometimes the water’s too hot, the bubbles deflate, and you’re scrolling your phone instead of relaxing. And that’s okay! The bath doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can be a moment to sit with yourself. Even if your toddler’s banging on the door or your partner’s asking about dinner plans—at least you claimed that 10 minutes.

4. Let It Be Ugly

A lot of self-care advice out there makes it seem like you have to have it all together: the skincare, the affirmations, the morning green smoothie. But what if your version of self-care is binge-watching a reality show while eating cereal at midnight? Cool, own that. Self-care doesn’t look the same for everyone. Sometimes, healing is ugly. It’s screaming into a pillow, journaling messy thoughts, or blasting music and dancing in your PJs like you’ve lost your mind. Let it be messy—it’s still valid.

5. Celebrate Your Small Wins

Did you get out of bed today? Clap for yourself. Did you send that email you’ve been avoiding? That’s a win. Life is a lot sometimes, and self-care doesn’t always mean overhauling your routine. It can mean surviving the day with grace (or without it, honestly). If all you did was breathe today, you’re still moving forward.

6. Talk to Yourself Kindly

Listen, we are our own worst critics. That voice in your head? It can be vicious. But what if you practiced talking to yourself like you would a friend? When your thoughts start spiraling into negativity, pause. Ask yourself, “Would I say this to someone I love?” If the answer’s no, it’s time to rewrite the script. Yeah, I know, easier said than done, but trust—it’s worth it.

7. Unfollow the Noise

Social media’s great… until it’s not. If your feed is making you feel less-than or constantly comparing yourself, hit that unfollow button. You don’t need that energy in your life. Instead, follow accounts that make you feel empowered, inspired, or give you a good laugh. Protect your digital space—it’s part of protecting your mental space too.

8. Grieve the Old You

We don’t talk enough about how part of self-care is accepting that you’re not the same person you used to be. Maybe you’ve gone through some stuff lately (haven’t we all?). Letting go of the version of you that had it all figured out and embracing the one who’s learning, growing, and stumbling along the way—that’s real self-care. It’s not about fixing yourself; it’s about embracing who you are, right now.

9. Find Your Joy, Even if It’s Messy

It doesn’t have to be big or Instagram-worthy. Self-care could be sitting in your car after work and blasting your favorite song, or sneaking in a few pages of a book you’ve been meaning to read. Maybe it’s painting, even if the end result looks more abstract than masterpiece. The point is to find what fills your soul—mess and all.

Self-care in the real world doesn’t look like what we’ve been sold. It’s raw, it’s imperfect, and sometimes it’s downright chaotic. But that’s what makes it beautiful. Don’t wait for everything to be perfect to take care of yourself. Start now, with whatever time, space, and energy you have, and let the rest unfold.

Embrace the chaos and take care of you!  For more tips and inspiration, visit selfcareclub.org.